So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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