if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
whose parrot is this?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
