I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
