my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
