Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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