The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
