and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
