I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
