I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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