its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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