i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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