May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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