oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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