That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
