I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
