if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
