We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize