I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
