Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
