So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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