OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
