Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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