i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
