I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
