Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
