Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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