Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
