dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
even my farts smell like vagina
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
