There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
