my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
