farters have to be the big spoon...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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