he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
