I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
