gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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