I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
