lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
