It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
