Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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