please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
