My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
