Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
there is glitter all over my balls
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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