Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
