just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
