I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
