How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Alive.
So much puke
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
