You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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