In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
