There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
