He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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