Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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