do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
