new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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