god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
