i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
