i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
