I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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