I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
