Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
