On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
