I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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