I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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