If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
