Umm I'm too high to move.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
