We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
