Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
