also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
