I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
