the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
