Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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