Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
