TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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