Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
