just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
pop tarts are not kleenex
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
