Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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