You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drake has all the answers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
