Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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