Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
