Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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