i need an iv and a liver transplant
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
