i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
