HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
