margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
